Thursday, May 31, 2012

Zy Came Home Today (:

    Bringing Him Home Was Bittersweet... Im Happy To Finally Have Him Here With Me But It Was Hard Bringing Him Home In An Urn And Not A Car Seat. I Also Got My Little Shelf Set Up With His Stuff... Its Not What I Want But It Will Work Right Now Its Cute And On Something My Sister Built In Wood Shop.  Once I Get My Stuff In There And Back To Work Im Going Get A Different Kind Of Shelf I Want To Have A Picture Of Him Up On My Wall. I Really Cant Wait To Get Back To Work So I Can Have Some Money In My Pockets. This Is My First Week In A Year I Wont Get A Pay Check. Im Probally Going To Call The OBGYN I Went To Before I Was "High Risk" And See If I Can Get A Checkup To Get Cleared For Some Kind Of Work.
    My Mom Said I Need To Wait A Couple Weeks But I Already Owe Them To Much Money. Man I Wont Even Get Into That... I Owe Them So Much Especially My Mom. I Dont Know What I Would Have Done With Out My Family And My Boyfriend. It Actually Scares Me To Think About It. They Got Me Through All This. My Mom Basically Did Everything For Me.  I Cant Imagine My Life Without Them. 
   Speaking Of My Mom I Was Talking To Her Today. I Dont Know If Im Just Anxious To Do Something Because I Feel So Lost Just Sitting Here, Or If Zy Just Motivated Me That Much. Im Going To Make Sure I Honor My Son. No Matter How Sad I Am (I Couldnt Help But Cry When I Was Putting Up His Stuff) I Wont Let This Be A Bad Time For Me. When I Think Of Zyaire I Want To Think Of All The Good Things I Did  To Better Myself After He Passed.  Alot Of People Say "This Is A Dark Time" But I Want It To Be A Time I Can Remember As Positive.
   All Day I Thought About How I Wanted To Go Back To Work. Its Been Almost 2 Weeks... Well Monday It Will Be 2 Weeks. I Wont Go Back Until After Monday But I Guess I Gotta Wait Until My Check Up. Or Just Not Let My Mom Know I Went To Work... LOl How Would I Do That? Well I Could Always Change Before I Leave Work. Ha She Would Kick My Butt. I Just Cant Help It Though I Dont Do Good Just Sitting Here And I Really Need Some Money Because I Got Things I Want To Do. I Will Probally Get My Hair Cut And Dyed Though Before I Go Back. Im Going To Ask Marvin To Borrow Some Money. Thatll Probably Be A Bad Idea But It Would Make Me Feel Better... 

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