My Perfect Little Baby Boy Zyaire Louis Full Birth Story!.

    It All Started On December 29th, 2011 I Was Driving To My 3rd Shift Job And Got Into A Car Accident. I Crashed My Car And Hit A Little Wall. Luckily The People Who Lived There Were Leaving And Pushed Me Out Of The Ditch Before The Cop Came (No Ticket Thank Gosh). Well 3 Days Later My Back Was Killing Me. Everyone Was Telling Me It Was Whiplash And It Usually Affects You A Couple Days Later. I Was Working 2 Jobs And Just Figured I Was Sore. But I Went To The E.R Anyways (I Didnt Have Insurance). They Asked All The Normal Questions, Made Me Pee In A Cup, All That Good Stuff. Well I Was Waiting For Them To Come Back And Get Me For An Xray The Doctor Came Back In And Said "Well Your Pregnancy Test Was Positive" I Just Stared At Him. "He Goes Do You Understand Your Pregnant." I Continued To Stare... And He Goes "Ma'am Are You Ohkayy?" And I Started Crying "I Want My Daddd" (He Was In The Waiting Room). So They Went And Got My Dad I Told Him, I Freaked Out For A Minute, And Then They Gave Me Some Tylenol And Sent Me Home... I Remember I Was Scared To Death To Tell My Mom. I Dont Know Why Its Not Like She Would Be Mad I Just Thought She Would Be Really Dissapointed. But To Be Honest I Wanted A Baby Really Bad I Think I Was Just Upset Over The Circumstances. I Cryed And Ill Never Forget We Stood In My Room And She Just Hugged Me And i Cryed And Cryed, She Said I Had My Options But She Was Never Told That And She Wanted Me To Know I Said I Wanted To Keep Him. I Never Considered Anything Else. I Never Really Felt Sick At First. I Worked 3rd Shift And Got Off At 6 And Then Was At My Other Job By 7. My Stomach Would Feel Funny But I Would Eat Something And Be Ohkayy. Never Thought I Was Pregnant. Then I Started To Feel Tired And I Had To Quit Drinking Coffee So I Wasnt Working As Much Because I Was Worn Out. And Smells That Was My Weakness My Whole Pregnancy Even At 24Weeks I Just Couldnt Handle It.
     At 5 Weeks I Had Some Spotting So I Went To The ER Because I Was In That Accident They Did An Ultrasound That Was The First Time I Got To See My Little Boy. I Mean He Was Just A "Sac" And A "Yoke" (My Mom Got Mad Cuz I Called Him An "Egg Yoke"). If Only I Knew What I Knew Now At This Point I Could Have Fixed It. That Really Bothers Me It Makes Me Feel Like I Didnt Do Good As A Mom Because I Didnt Know.
   I Went To This Place Called Woman Kind And I Got My Insurance And WIC Stuff But Other Than That I Was Sick My Whole Pregnancy My Nose Was Always Stuffy So Much That It Would Bleed, My Throat Hurt, And I Was Coughing". This "Doctor" Litterally Told Me "You Dont Sound Sick So Well See What Happens When You Come Back". How Did She Know What I Sounded Like When I Wasnt Sick? Because Ive Been Sick The Whole Time... And She Didnt Check Me Out At All.
   On March 12th I Went To The ER For Bad Cramps. They Were So Bad I Couldnt Stand Up. Turns Out I Had A Severe UTI That Was Missed By This Woman Kind Place Because All They Cared About Were Drug Testing Me. Well I Got Another Ultrasound And He Was So Big Awe We Got To See Him Kick And Move Around He Was Sitting Up. I Knew It Was A Boy Even Though They Couldnt Tell I Just Knew. He Measured Right On Point. And They Said Everything Was Perfect. And That Was The Last Time I Got To See Him Healthy.
   I Found A New OBGYN She Was Really Nice I Only Made It To One Appointment Though On April 1st I Asked Her If I Could Get An Ultrasound She Said She Didnt See One In My Records So She Planned On It. I Was Soooo Excited I Couldnt Wait To Find Out What I Was Having. I Went To My Appointment On Tuesday I Kinda Knew Something Wasnt Right It Was Hard To See Him He Was In A Weird Position. His Heart Beat Was Strong Just Like It Always Was At All The Appointments. They Couldnt Tell The Sex And They Couldnt Get A Couple Measurments. I Got Up And Moved Around And Layed On My Side And They Looked Again And He Had Moved A Little Bit But They Still Couldnt See Anything. 
   3 Days Later On Friday The Doctor Called Me. She Said They Think They Seen Fluid On The Babys Brain Something Called Hydrocephalus. She Referred Me To A Specialist I Ended Up Seeing This Guy Named Dr. Khorey (This Is Where I Think I Messed Up) I Went To My Appointment I Believe It Was On A Tuesday? This Was The Worst Day Of My Life. The Tech Was Very Talkitive. She Took Some Measurments I Got To Hear His Heart Beat (144) She Was Showing Me The Fluid. Then She Told Me It Was A BOY!. I Knew It My Mom Jumped Up We All Wanted A Boy. I Was So Happy But That Was Destroyed By Well You Have Barely Any Fluid And Theres Extra Fluid In The Abdomen And I Believe She Said Around The Heart. The Doctor Came In And Started Talking About All These Defects In The Brain, Possibly Dandy Walker, Hematoma, At First They Thought He Didnt Have A Mid-line But Then She Moved The Thing Around And Told Me They Seen It. But His 4th Ventricle Was Inflamed Which Could Be Because Of The Fluid. He Wanted To Do An Amnio Because He Thought It Was Chromosomal They Did It Right Then And There. She Lied To Me And Said It Would Feel Just Like My Tattoo NO!. That Was A Lie. The Fluid Was Discolored That Was Another Smack In The Face.
    By Friday I Had A Call Saying His Chromosomes Were Normal. Then Monday I Got The Call Saying He Had A Virus Called CMV. He Said Basically It Could Cause The Child To Be Delayed Or Deaf And Most People Would Terminate. That Was Never An Option Though. I Did Tons Of Research I Asked About Treatment. I Read About Some But He Wasnt A Dr. That Did That. This Lady At My Job Recommended University Hospital And Im Mad I Didnt Go There Sooner.
    We Called Universital Hospital On Friday And They Were Closed Until Monday So I Left A Message I Got An Appointment For Tuesday. My Mom Went With Me. By This Point I Was Exhausted Mentally And I Was So Hoping For Some Good News. But Halfway Through The Tech Sent Me To The Bathroom And Walking Back She Was Talking To The Doctor And She Ended Up Coming Right In.  I Just Had This Feeling It Was Going To Be Bad With That Little Bit Of Hope For A Miracle. He Had Been Moving So Much Lately She Went Over His Body And The Only Thing I Could Focus On Is His Strong Heartbeat It Was 155 This Time. After So Much Bad News All I Could Do Was Lay There And Watch His Heart Beat. Then It Came Time For The Brain They Had To Do An Internal Ultrasound Because I Had No Fluid And He Was Positioned Weird. It Was Funny Because He Kicked Me The Whole Time Like He Didnt Like It. 
    I Didnt Like It Either, My Heart Broke When She Said She Was Going To Look At His Brain. I Knew It Would Be Bad, Even Though She Was Willing To Do The Treatment I Just Knew... She Asked Me Did I Want Her To Leave The Pictures Up And Explain Everything To Me. I Said Yes Because Even Though I Knew This Was Going To Break My Heart I Wanted To Make Sure I Did Everything For My Son. She Showed Me How There Was So Much Fluid That There Was No Cortex, His Cerebellum Was Small, His Whole Right Side Was Dead Brain Tissue, And His Midline Had Been Destroyed (Holoprosencephaly). I Just Cryed. She Told Me If I Wanted To Terminate It Had To Be Started That Day But I Told Her No That God Would Take My Baby When He Was Ready. I Decided Not To Do The Treatment Because Even Though I Could Save The Rest Of His Body His Brain Would Not Rebuild Itself. 
    Exactly 1 Week Later My Baby Boy Went To Be With The Lord. He Kicked So Much For those Next 4 Or 5 Days And Looking Back I Feel Guilty That I Didnt Enjoy Them More. For Mothers Day My Mom Got Me A Necklace With His Name Engraved On It. That Was The Last Time I Remember Feeling Him Kick. Monday Was Iffy I Wasnt Sure If It Was A Kick Or A Bubble. I Told My Mom I Would Wait Until Wednesday Because I Wanted To Make Sure I Didnt Feel Anything for A Whole Day.
    May 16th The Ultrasound Confirmed My Son Had Gone To Be With God. I Ask Myself All The Time "Did He Suffer" And What Was I Doing When His Heart Stopped. The Doctor Was Amazing Though She Let Me Chose When I Wanted To Be Induced And That Anybody Could Stay With Me Until The Baby Was Born. She Gave Us A Funeral Home To Go To That Helps Christian Families Who Lose Children. 
   Sunday May 20th I Went In At Midnight They Started The Medicine. My Dad And Sister Left At 5am. My Mom And Boyfriend Stayed We Went To Sleep Around 5:30am. I Was Up Again By 7 They Gave Me An Antibiotic For An Infection I Had. I Ate An Orange And Got Sick, They Gave Me Something For Nausea Then By 1 I Got A Pain Killer In My IV. I Fell Asleep FINALLY. Woke Up To Eat Some Jello Only To Get Sick Again. Around 4 I Woke Up In Pain They Gave Me A Half Dose Of The Pain Meds Because I Was Going To Get My Epidural Soon I Just Didnt Want To Get It To Early. At 5 I Was Back Up Screaming. My Dad And Boyfriend Had Just Got Back From Getting Food. My Mom Was Paging For Them To Get My Epidural, I Believe My Dad Also Paged Them Because They Took To Long. 
    At 5:20 The Nurse Came In And I Asked To Use The Bathroom Before They Put The catheter In. My Mom Went In With Me Because I Was In So Much Pain And Im So Happy She Did Because At 5:30pm On Monday May 21st I Delivered My Own Baby (With No Epidural) While Sitting On The Toilet. I Just Remember Screaming And Putting My Hand Down There And Then Crying Hysterically While My Mom Tryed To Calm Me Down. The Doctor Rushed In And Got Zyaire Out And Cleaned Off. I Got To Hold Him And Love Him. After So Much Bad News All I Wanted to Do Was Hold My Son. He Was So Little And Perfect. He Had My Lips, Eyes, And Chin. If Anything Im Going To Become The Best Person I Can Be, I Want My Son To Know That He Taught Me How To Be A Better Person. 

Zyaire Louis    

Went To God 5.16.12

Born 5.21.12 At 5:30pm

15.3 Ounces

10 1/2 Inches

My Perfect Little Soldier I Love You So Much. You Will Forever Hold A Place In My Heart.